Ah, the good old Beeb. How could they possibly annoy
anyone? Good question, thanks for asking.
The concept of needing a license to watch television is
probably pretty damn bizarre to anyone outside the UK
but it is, unfortunately, a cold hard fact here. The sole
purpose of said license is to fund the BBC, which in my
little world makes it a pay-per-view channel. The Beeb
doesn't see it that way of course. If you have a television,
you have to have a television license, even if you have
no desire to see the rubbish that the BBC tries to pass
off as quality programming. "Ah, but the other channels
have to rely on annoying adverts for funding whereas the
Beeb is advert free!" Oh really?? The BBC wastes
more time - and our license money - blowing its own horn
with expensive and equally annoying computer generated
station identifications than any of the other channels
put together, not to mention constantly reminding us what's
on the other BBC channels. Some of which you can't
see without a digital set-top box. And if ITV, Channel
4 and Five have to fund their way with advertising, then
why do I still have to pay for the BBC while I'm watching
them? If I don't want to watch the BBC, then I shouldn't
have to pay for it. And it ain't cheap either! A colour
TV license will set you back £121.00 a year, and
a license to view the world in black & white is £40.50.
So what do you get for £121.00 a year? Rubbish,
that's what. Countless gardening, cooking and DIY programs,
and enough cod-awful nature shows to turn a die-hard vegan
into a ferocious carnivore. Oh sure, there are a few decent
documentaries, an occasional film that's worth watching
and there are some pretty good history programs now and
then, but hey, I can see that stuff on the other channels
too!
But the thing that really, REALLY gets my goat is this:
TV Licensing (the trading name used by the BBC's
agents who collect the licence fee on their behalf) spends
an exorbitant amount of the license fee on advertising
warning us of the perils of watching television without
a license. In other words, the company that's supposed
to be using our money for quality programming, is in fact
using it to threaten us into paying them money so they
can continue to threaten us! Can anyone else see anything
wrong with this? And it doesn't stop at billboards, giant
posters on buses and bus stops, newspaper and magazine
ads, or TV and radio ads either. No sirree. TV Licensing
has a giant infrastructure all set up to monitor television
users, collect their money and prosecute the non-payers.
Yep, prosecute. You see, having a TV license is not just a requirement,
it's the law. And not having one could cost you a day in court and £1000.00!
That's more than a first time drunk driving conviction. But how do they
know if you're watching TV without a license? I'll quote from the TV
Licensing website (may not be visible outside the UK, Isle of Man or Channel Islands):
"There are a number of ways we can find
out.
At the heart of our operation is the TV Licensing database of over
28 million home and business addresses, telling us which of these
have TV Licences.
All of our enforcement officers have access to this database and will
check whether or not you have a licence. If you are using a TV and
are unlicensed, you could face prosecution and a hefty fine.
We have a fleet of detector vans, plus, our enforcement officers have
access to hand-held detection devices capable of detecting a magnetic
field when a TV is switched on. In fact, we catch an average of over
1,000 people watching TV without a licence every day."
Hmmm.... a thousand+ people a day??
Sounds to me like the license isn't very popular.
Holy George Orwell Batman, a fleet of detector vans and hand-held magnetic
detection devices! How very high-tech, not to mention very expensive. They
even manage to make it sound like they're actually performing a valuable
public service. And guess who pays for it all? Correct! It's paid for with
our license money, as are the wages of the 1200+ staff they have at their
main centres in Bristol and Darwen in Lancashire. Strangely enough, neither
the TV Licensing website (also paid for with license money I would
imagine) nor their pdf information leaflet mention how much it all costs
or where the money comes from. I wonder why??
To be fair, I should perhaps mention at this point that
certain concessions are available regarding the license.
If, for instance, you're registered blind, the BBC is
so magnanimous that they actually give you 50% off your
license fee. Such unselfish generosity brings a tear to
my eye. In fact, I'm so moved by the offer that if I ever
lose my eyesight completely, I'll be sure and shove my
white cane as far as possible up the nearest BBC executive's
ass I can find. It's the least I can do.
So, let's see if I've got all this straight. We're paying
a large chunk of cash for an antiquarian licensing system
that is supposed to finance a television station that
either can't be bothered or couldn't care less finding
out what it's captive audience actually wants to watch,
but in reality directly funds a massive organisation whose
sole purpose is to threaten me and my fellow television
viewers into paying said fee. In return for our hard earned
cash, we get a bunch of crap programs that people don't
want to watch - hardly surprising considering how much
money is being wasted on license enforcement. What a great
deal.
I've got a better idea. Get rid of the license which will
have the added benefit of making redundant the gigantic
money sucking parasite known as TV Licensing. Ditch
the expensive scare tactic advertisements and the endless
self-promotion the BBC insists on inflicting on us. Stop
paying BBC fat cat executives huge salaries for sitting
on their asses and force feeding the public sub-standard
programming. Solicit corporate, government and public
donations to fund the Beeb as PBS does quite successfully
in the US. And fer cryin' out loud, throw the TV chefs,
gardeners and DIY gurus out on the street!! If these things
can't - or won't - be done, then get rid of the BBC; it's
way past its sell-by date anyway.
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